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After a few months of dating the Dominican cutie from purchasing, I learned dating is hard for a single mom. My prep time (pre-baby) included picking out a sexy-cute outfit, getting my hair done, getting the appropriate mani/pedi's and applying my flawless make-up. Prep time was usually a relaxing time. If I was really excited about the guy it could take an entire day and if my feelings were lukewarm it would be 3 hours give or take. But then entered baby and "prep time" transcended into another realm. A realm where there is no way of knowing when or IF you would leave the apartment in one, cohesive piesa.
My first date with DCP (Dominican cutie from Purchasing) went a little like this:
- Beg Mami to babysit without any judgments or comentarios.
- Convince my then 15-month-old to stop touching Mommy with those sticky fingers.
- Muster enough energy to go out and not become overwhelmed by my crying baby or the constant carrying of my baby.
- Roll my eyes and take it when Mami, becoming frustrated herself, yelled at me to feed and change him first.
- Maintain control after my 15-month-old doused me in Gerber baby food.
- Fight back tears when I could find little else to wear. There were baby onesie's where pretty, sexy tops laid before.
- Get over the slight guilt and sadness of leaving the baby for the evening.
The list goes on and on and the details get more elaborate. Needless to say, my "prep-time" that day was about 5 hours of lots of frustration. At the end of it all, I was too through! I just wanted to stay home and sleep alongside my little boy! Alas, I didn't. I went on that first date and many more there after with DCP.
I had to learn that my single days were over. I had to change my outlook and approach to the whole "dating thing". So, after our first initial dates, I learned to schedule my babysitting ahead of time - even convincing one of my older sisters to take the baby one night a week so I could spend extra quality time with DCP. I learned to have my outfit picked out and in a separate chest of drawers. I learned that I couldn't have as much spontaneity as I once had and, more importantly, accepted that this was ok. Lastly, I learned that I needed to get over the sadness and stress or resign myself to being an old, lonely woman. And not just any old, lonely woman. But one that owned a hundred cats and smelled like mothballs! Besides, the baby didn't seem to notice or care much if I had left for an hour ... or 24.
So, yes, the physical act of dating beat the shit out of me in the beginning. It seemed to go a lot easier in my head (and on Sex and the City), but I have a pretty good grasp on it now. It continues to be frustrating and something I'm constantly managing, but I've chosen to look at it as a means to an end.
Now, if I could only figure out what that "end" is…
Nydia Mata is a 31 year old single mother to a 5 year old little burst of sunshine. She believes that life after baby doesn’t always mean resigning yourself to your worst case scenario. Easily flustered, she struggles to find a balance between parenting, finding love and growing up. She fails miserably almost every time, making for some thoroughly entertaining situaciones.
